Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I am not a perfect person. I deal with my own personal demons just like every other person on Earth. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing about this. Maybe it'll just be good to get some stuff off my chest. Obviously, there are too many demons to list them all here, so I'll just go with a few of the big ones.
Insecurity
Yes, I am a ridiculously insecure person, and I really mean ridiculous. I'm always worried about what others think of me, which is common, but I take it to different levels. I'm always afraid of being left out or not having my company enjoyed. Those are two of my biggest fears. Like, even if people in a certain group straight up tell me they like having me around, I still second guess them and have my doubts. Honestly, I sometimes wonder whether I would want me around if I were somebody else. I think my problem is that I just want everyone to be my friend, and it's frustrating that I can't be with every group at once. Really, my biggest fear is to be left out of the loop.
Anger
I have had some serious anger issues in my life. I may seem calm and collected some of the time, but I can have one heck of a temper at times. Anyone who was in school with me in grades 6-8 would tell you that I could just lash out at the drop of a hat. I like to think those issues have become slightly better recently, but I still struggle. Just ask my family.
Hate
If you have ever seen Star Wars, you probably knew that this one would be coming up next. Yes, I have harbored hatred toward many people that I am still struggling to let go. Grudges are funny with me. I can either let things go instantly, or hold on to it for ridiculous amounts of time. It really just depends. I fail to often to love other people in the way I'm called to by God. It's something I wish I could fix.
Depression
Probably one of my biggest issues I've been dealing with lately is depression. The littlest things seem to set it off, too. I often feel rejected by my peers which is the most common cause of this. Sometimes, I seriously wonder if it would matter to people if I wasn't here. I'm not 100% positive, but I believe I may have bipolar disorder. I hate being bipolar. It's awesome. (Just a joke to break the heaviness.) It gets to the point where I have to straight plead with people to tell me whether I matter to them. Even when they say yes, it doesn't always fix the problem.
Conclusion: Why am I telling you all this? I don't know. Maybe, I just wanted to finally expose you to the me I always try to hide. And if anyone with similar experiences reads this and relates to it, it's all worth it.
But I don't want to end on such a sad note. There is hope. Between my starting and my publishing this post, I had the chance to attend Confession, as well as Adoration. I was reminded that even if I do feel rejected by everyone else, God won't. And He will love me in spite of everything I've done and felt.
Exorcising these demons will not be an easy thing to do, but, hopefully, with God's help, I will eventually be able to break free and be the man I was made to be.
So, about a month ago, song parodist "Weird Al" Yankovic released his latest album, "Mandatory Fun," which it certainly was.
One of the songs on the album, "First World Problems," is a jab at how self-absorbed some people are and how angry we get over minor inconveniences. It's a very funny song, and the video made it funnier. But, I have to admit, I can't help but feel just a little sorry for the guy in the song. I don't mean because of the things he says he's going through (okay, maybe I did once or twice.) What's sad is how the guy in the song is this stinking rich dude, yet the minor things he has to deal with still set him off.
Now, I get that the song isn't serious and meant to be satire, but I still think it serves as a good sign of our times. Compared to other countries, we have more crap than we know what to do with, yet we're still unhappy in spite of it. THAT is our first world problem.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Only God can give you the happiness you're really looking for. I look forward to the day when everyone sees that as a whole world blessing!
This one is in the same vein as the "Avengers" post I did awhile back.
"The Shawshank Redemption" has recently become a new favorite movie of mine. It's a gripping movie with a great message of finding hope in a hopeless environment. And that's only the beginning of the veiled spiritual references. The adventures of the main character, Andy Dufresne, can be seen as a metaphor for the story of Jesus.
Andy is an innocent man accused of a crime he didn't commit, who gets thrown into the worst prison imaginable, much the way Jesus was a blameless man who went to execution. However, like Christ, Andy refuses to crack under the strain of the setting he's in. Also, like Christ, Andy is a man who wouldn't be readily accepted because of his background. Andy was a banker, and any person in debt wouldn't want to be friends with a banker. Jesus came from Nazareth, and people at the time believed that nothing good come from Nazareth. The man who becomes Andy's best friend, a man named Ellis "Red" Redding, once commented, "I could see why some of the men took him for snobby. He had a quiet way about him. He had a walk and a talk that just wasn't normal around here." So, almost immediately, you can see that Andy has chosen to be in the prison, but not of it.
He receives some harsh treatment from both the men who run the prison and the gang of perverts that inhabit the place. But, as I said, he refuses to crack. Andy is a smart man who decides to put his skills to work any way he can.
He first does this as he and his fellow prisoners are working to tar a roof. Andy overhears the cruel captain of the guards complaining about how he just inherited a large sum of money but he will most likely be taxed out of most of it. Andy risks life and limb to walk over to the man and give him financial advice. Not only does he end up accepting Andy's help, he also agrees to supply each of Andy's friends with beer to drink to motivate them more on the job. (Wasn't Jesus' first miracle supplying his friends with drinks?)
Andy's skills do not go unnoticed. Soon, he's working in the library where his persistence earns the library both funds and books. He also ends up doing taxes for all the guards from both Shawshank and other prisons, as well.
Unfortunately, what is used for good can also be used for evil. The corrupt warden uses Andy's skills for some shady purposes. He has Andy doing money laundering using fake identities for bank accounts. Jesus' naysayers also tried to use his goodness against him.
One scene I would like to address was a very beautiful scene in which Andy locks himself in the warden's office and starts playing a portion of an opera over the loudspeaker. Nobody knows what it's about, of course, but the men are captivated by the sheer beauty of the sound. And just for a moment the other men have hope and a feeling of freedom.
Andy is punished, of course. After he gets out, he comments that music is a good way to keep hope, to which the cynical Red responds, "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope drives a man insane. It has no place on the inside."
On that note, I would like to mention a character named Brooks Hatlen. He was an old man who had been in Shawshank most of his life. He had been there so long that he had become used to the prison. He depended on it. When he was finally released, he didn't know what to do with himself because nothing made sense to him. He eventually hanged himself. In a way, Brooks serves as sort of a tragic reminder of what happens when we become too deep in sin. We become comfortable within the bounds of the life we're living, and the thought of leaving it behind can be terrifying. But, it's necessary.
I would like to focus on the character of Red. He's "a man who knows how to get things," which is how Andy first comes in contact with him. The two men form a bond over a course of time. And Andy works hard to inspire the same spirit of hope in Red that keeps him going. "Get busy living, or get busy dying," Andy says. At first, Red worries that this might be a suicide threat from Andy, until the next day when it's discovered that Andy has escaped (in a scene that very clearly brings to mind a picture of a certain empty tomb), and that isn't all he's done. He's gone to all the banks with the dirty money and removed it all (Andy giveth, Andy taketh away) and exposed the corruption at the prison. Red misses Andy, but knows that it's the way things should be.
One theme running through the movie that is sometimes used as a joke is how all the men see themselves as innocent victims of circumstance. Red is the only man willing to admit he's a guilty man, and as a result he's the only one who is "saved", if you will. Before Andy left, he gave Red instructions on where to find a certain hidden box and he also comments on his dream to go start a business in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. Red is eventually released on parole, and at first he seems to be walking the same path as Brooks. The only thing that keeps him from ending it all is his promise to Andy. He eventually finds the box with a note, telling him that "Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies." Andy says he'll be waiting for Red over on the other side of the border "with the chess board waiting" because he'll need a partner with Red's skills. This is very much like Christ's promise to be waiting for us on "the other side" with a better home for us. The ending scene where the two men are finally reunited is thoroughly satisfying.
I should note, however, that while all this is well and good, I wouldn't recommend the movie for general audiences. It contains much foul language (over a hundred profanities, approximately sixty of which are f-bombs), violence (brutal beatings and some implied homosexual rape), and the beginning of the movie contains a relatively explicit flashback of an affair Andy's wife was having with another man. (This affair is said by one of the characters to be a sin, which it is, but still...) Also, some Christians may be offended that the corrupt warden in the movie is portrayed as a religious hypocrite who uses the Bible for his own ill purposes. But let's not forget that Christ's main opposers on Earth were also the hypocritical religious leaders of the day. If I had to put an age range on this movie, I would say older teens and up.
I think I'll conclude this little article by giving some hopes similar to Red's words at the end of the movie.
I hope I can make it to Heaven. I hope to see my friend and Savior and be embraced by Him. I hope the Other Side is as wonderful as I've always imagined it. I hope.
For those of you who haven't heard yet, Phil Robertson, the patriarch of the Robertson family (Duck Dynasty) has been fired. Why, you ask? Because he was in an interview, where he was asked what he considers sin. He listed a few things that are considered sin according to the Bible. Among them was homosexuality.
Being Phil, of course he made a few off-color remarks on the subject. But that wasn't the issue. The issue was that Phil had the audacity to say homosexuality is a sin. Of course, a few butthurt people later, and A&E has fired Phil. (That's just crappy, crappy, crappy.)
I, for one, find this situation outrageous. Phil didn't even say anything discriminatory in his comments. He simply told what the Bible considers to be sin, and everything he said is in there. Look it up.
So, basically, people are offended by Phil telling the truth. Now, I agree that it isn't good to maliciously offend other people. If you get offended by the truth, that's your issue. The truth is supposed to offend you because that's how you know you don't have it!
The fact is that a select group of people in this country have become the self-appointed thought police. They have a specific agenda and won't TOLERATE anything else. Then they have the nerve to turn around and accuse us (the religion whose sole objective is to show love to everyone) of the same thing.
What if someday, I wanted to just go out and beat people I dislike? I mean, that's just natural instinct, right? Why would you deprive me of my right to express myself that way? You bunch of intolerant hate-mongers, you.
That may be an extreme example, but you know what I mean.
If you're with me on this, and you want Phil to be reinstated go to http://www.istandwithphil.com and sign the petition to bring him back.
While we're on the subject, what's the rest of the family doing? (I can hear Si now. "Hey, looky here, back in Nam, I fought people who wanted to take the same rights you want to take. Hey, you mess with my brother, you mess with me, Jack!")
If Phil's gone, everyone's gone. And to tell you the truth, I don't think they care. A&E will lose all their viewers and Phil can have more time to hunt, undisturbed, having a happy, happy, happy time!
Hey guys. I'm back, and for fun, I thought I would do a non-political or religious post. This is basically just things teachers do in high school that annoy me.
-I hate that they won't let you use your phone in class. What if we actually need it? We may need to call or text our parents in school but we can't because if we get caught with our phones out, they'll get taken away. But, of course, if the teachers need to call or text someone, they'll just do it no matter what. And then they expect us all to be okay with this.
-Why don't they let us eat food in class? Some people don't get a chance to eat in the mornings, so they bring a granola bar, or pop tart or something to class. The teachers then flip crap about how we we'll make this huge mess and it's not the janitor's job to clean up the messes (which it is). But again, they just turn out to be hypocrites as they pull out their entire lunch and start eating it in class because the teachers are just so much more careful than us, right? HYPOCRITE!
-I hate that sometimes they assign homework or projects over breaks. Look, weekends are bad enough. But on breaks some of us actually like to have fun and spend time with our families. We actually do have lives believe it or not. So if this is the kind of crap you're gonna pull, don't get mad when I don't turn in your oh-so-important project right on the dot.
-I hate the double standard regarding the bell. If you show up late for class, they refuse to hear any excuses. They just mark you tardy because the bell rang and they say they don't make the rules. But then at the end of class, if the bell rings and they're still talking they say, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do!" And then of course, you're late for your next class, and the cycle just keeps going.
-It makes me mad when they give tests on Mondays. Reality check: Nobody studies on weekends!
-Going back to the project issue, I don't like when they assign group projects outside of school. Again, we do have lives. And finding a time when we're all able to work at the same time is next to impossible.
-How about when they won't let you go to the bathroom? "Is it an emergency?" they ask. If by emergency you mean will disaster ensue if I don't go, then maybe, yes. I just want to ask them "Is what you're teaching an emergency? Will I die if I don't hear this?" All I'm saying is, if you don't want a puddle on the floor, LET ME GO!
Those are just a few things I hate about teachers. What do you hate?
My family got free tickets to go see the Point Fest which is a big Christian concert held at Cedar Point. First of all, I love Cedar Point, so that was cool. Second, the artists they had (Building 429, Tenth Avenue North, Third Day, and Tobymac) were some of the best.
So I had a good day full of roller coasters and awesome Christian music. Another thing I liked was how the artists took opportunities to try to preach the Gospel in between songs.
A very good night it was.
My brag is over now. You can now return to your lives.
So, here's the deal. I was recently assigned to be a Teen Spiritual Director at a retreat I help out with. Pretty cool right?
The problem is I keep doing things that make me wonder if I'm a good fit for it. I keep making mistakes that no good Christian should make (right?).
Take last night. I got into a huge fight with my younger brother which I felt terrible about afterwards. I mentioned to my dad that I was in no position to do this postition I mentioned above. I felt like one of the fakers that I would publicly condemn usually. Dad said I was probably in a better position than I thought.
My brother and I made up for the fight and things are pretty much okay now, but I was still puzzled by what Dad said last night. I asked him what he meant, and he said I wasn't a faker. A faker is someone who sins, doesn't care, and still tries to act all holy. He said that we're all in need of grace. He mentioned Peter, who denied Jesus three times. Yet after this, Jesus forgave Peter and he ended up becoming the first leader of the church!
This is a good lesson for all of us. Nobody is perfect. If we were, Jesus wouldn't have needed to die for us. Our mistakes are the very reason he offers Himself to us. He came to save sinners, not condemn them.
No matter what you've done, He's always willing to forgive you and He has great plans for you.
Following are several videos to further emphasize the point.
